Som'thins fishy!

I should have known better.

I mean when Mr. M, called me to the shop to taste something I should have seen the BIG red arrow pointing to him saying..

You’re in deep poooh.. DON’T DO ITTTTTTTT!!!

But NOOOO, I didn’t listen to my womanly instincts.  

Mr. M, knows my passion for dried fruit. I dig things like that. Fruit and nuts are a huge staple in my diet.

(Recently), not always.

He stands at the door from the shop to the office…

Sybil, come out and try these!..  he chews and licks his fingers.

I hesitate, at my desk…

My eyes scan his..

I walk through the door to the shop

He smiles..

I meet his smile with one of my own…

I reach for the “dried” fruit.

I feel the consistency of it..

Im amazed at him being so…so… CORDIAL..

I stare up at him trusting he’d never do me wrong…I mean this is a boss.. he’s supposed to set an example…

He’d NEVER do me that way. He loves me..

Im his go to gal. I get his reports done. I help him outta the fire back into the frying pan.

He’d NEVER do me dirty…right?!...RIGHT?!

I took the bait..ahem.. LITERALLY…

I stuck the dried fruit in my mouth and chewed..

Both watching me expectantly ….

Giggling like 2 school girls..

That’s when it hit my palette.

My GAG reflex took over and I instantaneously put my hand over my mouth in the event something came up..

It wasn’t a quiet GAG.. Ooh NO..

Im talking a HUGE gag .. *RALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPHHHHHHH*

FISH… they gave me dried fish…

Brake screech!

I reach for the door… the fish still on my tongue..

I hesitated before I went into the office afraid I’d have thermo woman threatening bodily harm if I puked in there..

I didn’t know where to spit it.

Mr M and Mr A laughter following me as I go…

I turn around mouth open, fish ..err.. squid still on tongue and gag..I mean retch …

I managed to get you’re such an ahhhhhh

Before I gagged again..

I ran for the bathroom. Bringing my hand over my mouth…  the smell of fish on my hands overwhelmed me..

I gag again..

I hear them laughing between gags..

He knows I can’t stomach FISHHHHH.

Even Tuna..

Just the smell of it makes me sick..

I walk out of the bathroom to both of them standing near my desk.

I walk past them and ignore their giggles.

I was tempted to reach for Mr. M .however HR was just steps away and would have fired me instantly for my thought process alone.

Man handling a manager would simply get me thrown in the slammer. I made sure I didn’t reach for any sharp objects

I was tempted though..heh heh

The Nightmare...

I tried to create a blog you could come to and get a laugh from, to walk away for a brief moment and leave your stress at the door, seeing life through my eyes if for only a few minutes.

I have nothing really to laugh about this week. Or last week really.

Ive neglected my emotional side. (Sybil has been in full swing)

I try not to be negative. I have enough of that in my life as it is.

I try to find the humor in little things that transpire in my day to day life.

(Ass gasket woman, Mr. M ß(my boss) my children, my sister, MY LIFE) pssss, I will find a way to talk chit..and laugh.. trust me I will..

I sat down today and asked God, how much more can you give me before I freakin lose it?

I mean really.

You hear the term..He only gives what you can handle.

Uh…

Do I need to be put into a mental hospital before he gets a clue that I can’t handle what he’s given me?

I’m not complaining, I’m simply stating a fact.

Ive taken the challenge... I cant back out of this one. NO FLIPPEN WAY.

Im’ah strong woman,
I have my wits about me. I can take it all.

I didn’t realize when my son came home a few weeks ago just how bad he truly was. Perhaps I had my blinders on and closed my shutters, not wanting to admit there was a problem.

*pauses and thinks back…

I actually expected this from my middle son. NOT my eldest.

He was my golden child. I expected too much from him growing up. *realizes my error* He’s brilliant. 4.0 GPA all through school. The gifted program. He didn’t have to study, or do homework, I relished that.

I held him on a pedestal.

*hangs head in shame.

Did I do this by expecting too much? Did I do this by stressing how much he’s worth in this life?

Strive for the best J, DON’T settle for anything less.

*clenches fists*

Maybe I did this?

I knew Sunday immediate action had to be taken. My husband and I took him along with his fiancé to the ER.

I had assumed he’d slowly come down..

4 days later he was worse.

I drove 45 minutes heart in throat … The not knowing killed me.

My husband took my hand..

I sobbed..

I begged..

 I asked God to heal my son.

We drove him to the ER, as drugs had taken over his mind.

He was friendly.. in the beginning.

His frustration mounted..I warned the nurses…

He wanted to leave,

The guard posted at his door calmly called me over…

He’s under 24 hour care, he cant leave. He’s safe here.

An hour later, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

I had stepped out to check in with family…

I noticed as I walked back in the guards running down the hall.

It was our 7^th hour of being there.. They knew J well.

He talked to them when he was calm.. waved.. smiled.. each guard breaking the others for lunches got to know us well.

I watched him being restrained by 7 security guards.

Talk to him, calm him down. The guard said.  

I lay across his legs trying to comfort him while I watched in horror him ripping the IV from his arm, blood oozing from his wound.

I watched them strap him down tears of frustration running down his cheeks as he tried to break free.

His voice hoarse from screaming.. Sweat running down his face, teeth clenched together, hatred written on his face.

I whispered to him through his screams.. I love you…

He’d pause for a second, reality hitting his mind…

Then the hallucinations would take over…

I knew I could reach him.. I spoke again.. I love you

The nurse trying to reinsert his IV..

the restraints  being put on his feet..

Sedative injected…

And the IV was once again ripped from his arm.

His last words before it took effect…

IM NOT YOUR F’ing GUINEA PIG..

Blessed peace took over.. and the men slowly removed their hands from his battered body.

I glanced at my precious son.. my heart broke as I saw the bruises on his arms..

Leather restraints on his feet and wrists.

 IV’s laying on the floor.. blood pooled at his arm where the IV had been ripped out the first time.

His hand swollen from the 2^nd IV being torn from his skin..

I broke then.

All these years (6) to be precise came crashing down on me.  

How much more could I deal with? I was at a loss already but this?

Geeez’us.

I can find some humor out of this. He did end up escaping.

He’s intelligent ..brilliant actually.

He convinced them he was fine.. they removed the restraints

He made it 2 blocks down Van Nuys blvd before his best friend and fiancé caught him.

Security wasn’t so fast… they stood and watched him run.. (shock evident on their faces)

On the way out.. he grabbed the family Bible.

Forget the shoes.. forget the clothing.. he grabbed his bible.

He’s healing.. its been a rough week.

Its slow..

I see glimpses of him…

His brain hasn’t fully recovered.

He’s home..

And

He’s detoxing..

And the process is slow..

Painfully slow.



Sometimes life hands you a bucket of shit doesn’t it?!

Tricky...

I was craving something sweet and remembered I had bought some new gum.

I reached in my handy dandy purse. Ya’no the one that holds everything but the kitchen sink.

3 packs

Which one do I choose? I open one and realize in my haste I didn’t read the flavor.

Unusual flavor spread across my palette. I sucked on it for a minute.

I looked over at Mr. M

Ooooooooooooh, you hav’ta try this..

Hands him a stick. "Is" delicious.

Within minutes the flavor had diminished and I reached for the other pack.

Oooooooooh maaaaah gawd.

Chews and sucks on gum.

What flavor is this one?

Hands Mr. M the box.

Must be a “Mystery Flavor”  nothings on the package.

I chew harder, thinking the harder I chew ..maybe..just maybe I  can place the flavor.

I look at Mr. M,

Is grape… and Apple..

A SMILE ON MY FACE.

He looks at me, and laughs.

Really?

I chew harder.. Gawd I cant place it.

Sybil...have you ever watched Willy Wonka?

 YOU'RE Violet…

And Roast beef…. And Apple Pie..

He mimics the child in the movie...

yes, Sybil... your a card short of a full deck.

And gravy...and mashed potatoes...

I smirk and give him the finger

I glared at him.. Is Grape I know it.

Do you see what you’re doing? He says.

Wha’? it issss!! Its grape.

But whats the other flavor I ask.

You see what your turning into? OMG your swelling.

I mouthed "Vacuum" if you say it fast nuff...

it sounds like something else...if you read lips that is..

I never did figure out the flavor... 

What Century

I read an article today regarding tattooing. This was one of the quotes used by an officer or someone from the “boardwalk”

Seriously…What freakin century do we live in?

Tattoos still share a reputation with sailors, bikers, gangsters and fallen women," Wyman says. 

Whaaaaaaaaa?!

Uh…. Im not a fallen woman… and I certainly haven’t lowered my standards by any means.. (finger)

I can flip you off,

(my grandmother was a Lady of high standards, charm school student, elegant, stylish, graceful, and beautiful.) 

Piss her off though..and you’d be the proud owner of a bird to the face.

She taught her granddaughters to be ladies. 

Perhaps I fell off the lady boat?

Maybe I should wear a huge “F” on  my shirt for FALLEN.

Or “S” for Sailor.

Cleavage showing and an anchor tattoo’d on my chest…

Just a thought.

Amazing GM

I have an amazing GM (General Manager). A man I respect, admire, value
and simply ADORE.

Coming on board, brought him several challenges.

Our doors would be closed within 30 days.

He had to deal with distrust, anger, and frustration from current employees.

Old Timers weren’t into a “new timer”

The company had laid off 1/3 of our work force just before he was hired.



I wasn’t able to talk the trash I talked to the past GM. You could
tell he…errr, Mr. Daddy Roebucks, was a NO nonsense kinda man.

Alright.. fine, he was intimidating. (even for MY standards) Im the
type of gal, who will say what I feel …NO MATTER WHAT.

I simply wouldn’t be able to call Daddy Roebucks a JERK to his face..

No Sir, that wouldn’t fly.

A few times he had come up behind me without so much a sound.
Startling me and catching me surfing the net while I was on company
time.

I finally blurted out as I jumped, hand on my heart..

OMG.. You really need to stop.. you INTIMIDATE me,  I don’t
like it. QUIT. IT!

Im usually the intimidateorrrrr NOT the intimidated *RAWR*

Yes, I growled.

My co-workers stared from across the office thinking I was toast.

I mean.. who really talks to a “GM” that way? One co-worker even went
so far as making a sawing motion with his finger against his neck… the
other guy waved goodbye.

I bit my tongue..broke out in sweat…

Staring him in the eyes.

He threw his head back and laughed. I LIKE you.

And from that moment on.. We’ve been a team.

Working for a corporate company has its challenges.

They rarely think with their heads.. more with idiotic tendencies.

I simply want to take the COO by the hair and say WTH are you thinking?

Are you DUMB?

I have made statements in front of “higher” ups regarding education..

Just because you have a degree .. doesn’t always make you the sharpest
tool in the shed.

Big Daddy has been the only one to pull it off..

So.. my darling Daddy Roebucks (as D, my bestest friend so
affectionately calls him) hahah will be leaving Friday.

Im crushed.

Him and I were a team.

We shared secrets, being nothing more than an administrator assistant,
receptionist

I kept his stories to myself sharing only with my husband.

A business opportunity came up for him to travel across the globe.

He leaned in my window, and said this is going to be BIG.

I leaned forward and said.. DON’T forget the little people.

Tears in my eyes. Im coming with you.

Can’t get rid of me.. I will stalk you, at every turn.. haaaaa



I don’t look forward to the road without  Big Daddy. I’ll miss our
talks, I’ll miss running up to his office to vent about someone..

I’ll miss him taking my side with a “certain manager’ who makes it his
mission to pick on me daily (all in good fun of course)

Im gunna miss him calling to check in and me yelling into the phone…

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.



The positive side..there isn’t one.

Life list UPDATED weekly

MY LIFE LIST

LEARN TO RIDE A MOTORCYCLE. PREFERABLY A PINK ONE

RIDE CROSS COUNTRY. 

SWIM WITH DOLPHINS.

LEARN SIGN LANGUAGE.
AND NOT JUST FOR THE UNIVERSAL SIGN.

 DESIGN MY OWN CLOTHING LINE

FIND THAT ONE PERSON WHO MAKES A DIFFERENCE. IF ONLY FOR A DAY.

LIVE ON THE BEACH


VISIT  LiL ITALY IN NY

DANCE ON A TABLE TOP heh

MEET MY SUPERMAN

My Stepping Stone

Sybil takes a few steps.

Literally.

I decided yesterday (Sunday.) I was going to get up early and walk the beach. I  accomplished my goal.. not realizing just how far I had walked.

The ocean heals me, the sound, the scent, the water crashing against my ankles, it brings comfort.

I needed to heal old wounds.  I forgave, I harbored the hurt for years..

I swallowed the lump in my throat, chin quivering, rocking back and forth..

I cried there in the sand.. my sobs being drowned out by the crashing waves.

It felt amazing to let  go.

I was emotionally spent. Even today I’m tired. I slept like a baby when I came home. A rarity for me to close my eyes for more than 3 hours.

Im haunted.  

I wasn’t going to bring up old hurts. (or talk about that fateful day in Oct)

I had nothing else to blog about tho. I need healing..

and Ive finally healed.

Its easy to say… 

you say it to bring comfort to THEM…

Yes, Im fine, thank you for asking.

We know you’re  sensitive, how are you handling things? 

(The way they look at me makes me sick)

and I think in my head..Com’on you seriously want me to answer?

How do you want me to answer that?

Or is it a gimmick? you really DONT want to hear it. 

You couldn’t handle the hurt I harbor.

I carry it like a FREAKIN badge.

July and August proved to be horrid months as well... being tossed around like a rag doll, 

I faced those demons head on.

I won in every sense of the word. I still have the scars to prove it. But I won those rounds. Alone.

I cried for that too.. Its hard to fathom the pain one person can bring you. Let alone 2.

I banged my fists into the sand. Snot running down my nose.. Tears running down my cheeks.

I never thought Id go through that, EVER. I was overwhelmed and holding it in for almost a year has brought nothing but turmoil to me and my marriage.

Its hard to forgive.

I guard my heart and my emotions.. The pain I suffered those uneventful 3 days has brought such agony, I could barely function at times.

I’d rehash it, OVER and OVER remembering the wounds, and the bruises left by those 2 people. 

I’ve healed though. I don’t blame them personally.

I blame the situation and their addictions.

My hearts taken time to heal, longer than I expected. But it’s healed. (Somewhat).

 I need to allow the other scars to heal, not just the emotional scaring; more like the physical ones need to heal.  I glance at them and cringe.

Self Expression

How will you know I am hurting,
If you cannot see my pain?
To wear it on my body
Tells what words cannot explain.
~~ C. Blount

Liz Taylor

Years ago my sister compared me to….Liz Taylor

YOU are Liz Taylor, sister.. with a Cindy Lauper look..

You have the whole “Pink attitude goin on,
 yet.. You’re Liz Taylor

 Certainly not Liz’s  beauty. I mean she was drop dead gorgeous. I could NEVER compare myself to her, or her elegance.

She’d appear on a socialite blog, or news channel, thin and elegant..

And months later she’d appear on that same social calendar, chubby.

Wha’  “hop’pined” ?

How did she do it? How did she land the most handsome men in Hollywood? Being a chubby wubby?

For years I was “that” thick short mom.

(hubby loves me thick) He hates me skinny.

My boys as well.. They HATE me thin.. yet adore me thick. I look unhealthy thin and so much BETTER thick (so the boys say)

I believe they ‘ave it all wrong.

Im naturally thick.

I was athletic in HS, did gymnastics, played girls softball, was a cheerleader, and even ran cross country.

Yes, Emo girls did those things..

ahem.

I did..

errr, they uh,


wellll most emo girls didn’t..

maybe Im not that typical Emo girl?

 I’m still Liz Taylor, in a round about way.

Im petite but chubby in others.

Shrugs shoulders ..


Doesn't matter how often I hit that gym up... Im still thick. * rawr

The ..Odor

Have you ever noticed people have a distinctive order about them?

Perhaps Im crazy, I mean… really.. Maybe my nose is too close to my arse?

*thinks allowed. Maybe it issss.

I need to quit smelling people.

I can smell you.

You think I’m kidding?

Take my husband of 23 years for example.

His odor is all over my bed. Get out! I know his pillows from mine. NO KIDDING.

His head is bald.. and its like his head secretes an odor I can’t quite put my finger on.

If I happen to grab one of the 15 pillows on my bed (yes I have that many) my face touching it.. I know as soon as I breathe in..

It’s HIS.

It’s NOT a bad odor, just HIS odor.

I wonder if I have an odor.

There has been several times he’s cuddled into me and said..

You smell so good. Him breathing like a dog… sniffing me.

I can smell you all day long.

I wonder.. is he just sayin that? Or is it true..

I put it to the test..

I asked my son C.

He’s my youngest.

Does mommy smell good?

He looked at me and shrugged..

Great just great..

This is gunna be harder than I thought.

Well…. DO I?

I dunno…(eyes glued to TV)

I probed a little deeper..

Do I smell like flowers? Or, or bad? Hesitant..

(Eyes glued to TV)

HULLLOOOOOOO (knock, knock) Do I?!

You mean do you smell like Bella?

Hope etched on my face.. right.. do I smell like Bella? Or pretty?

Mommy, you give Bella a bath every Saturday she never stinks.

*hope dwindles.

K.. scratch that…

I say..

Do I smell like how grandma used to smell? (panic on face)

Bengay ...and old..

Noooooooo *he wrinkles nose* In memory

Do I smell pretty?

Geeeeez, mommmmy yesss.

(Eyes glued to TV)

Like what? Flowers,?

And sometimes like daddy.

Like DAAAADDDY?! Wha’doyoumean?!

Pulls shirt to nose..and sniffs.

I had his shirt on.. so of course I smell like him.

Like daddy

I doo? WHEN?

all the time you smell like him.

Is cuz he hugs you and his perfume gets on you.

Cologne C, Cologne. Not perfume.

(eyes glued to TV)

Women wear perfume, men cologne.

You smell like flowers mommy.. pretty flowers.

Can I watch TV now?

….

Okay then.. discussion closed. I think..

Sprays my perfume on hubbys pillows..

Psssh.. now you can smell like me .

Fathers Day .... grrrrr

I’ve really been slacking. I’m at a standstill for Father’s day. Hubby and I had a long conversation the other night.

Him at the table, me on the couch.

I asked what would you like to do for Father’s day.

We can have our pick of restaurants; kids don’t celebrate fathers like they do mothers.

 

Sorry it’s a proven fact. (smirked even)

I leaned over the top of the couch and looked into the dining room.

I have NO clue as to what you want to do.  

You’ve made it clear I’m not to spend any money..*makes sour face*

He mutters… Like that’s stopped you before.

I glare.

What’s that supposed to mean?

You know what it means.

I pretend like I don’t hear him.

*if  you pretend you don’t hear him.. they don’t pursue the cause. HA! Least he doesn’t..

Dinner? And a movie? Ya’no I have to get your dad and my dad sumsin. (smiles) my wheels turning.

I love to shop, and if can throw sumsin in for myself too all the better.

Or maybe we can go to Huntington Beach and have a picnic?

Carne Asada, Rice, Beans, I’ll make you and the family ANYTHING you want.

Its your day daddy-ohhhhh so what’cha wanna do..hmmm..hmmm..?

Every holiday, every birthday you get excited cuz you get to SPEND money!

Me: Do not.

Him: hunny, you do. (stern look)

Me: I deserve it.

Him: How so?

Me: Cuz I’m your wife and I have to be pretty.

Him: what does that have to do with anything?

Me: EVERYTHING.

Him: Bullshit.

Me: I’m wounded. My poor heart!

Him: You have one?

Me: Funnny.

I decided besides his facial and pedicure, I’d take him to Malibu for an incredible dinner on the beach.

Gunna make him walk me down to Venice from there. Haaaaaaa

Prince Charmng

I spoke with Rach tonight..

She thought herself to have found her "prince charming"

Rach: I really think he's the one..

Me: Riiiiiiiiiiight. Laughs hysterically.

Rach: I know, I said that crap only happens in freakin Disney movies.

I was WRONG.

Me: Ya THINNNK?!

Rach: Stop being a bitch.

Me: Im NOT. Just thinkin of ways to push Cinderella, Princess Jasmine, and Snow white off a cliff for you. 

Rach: If the shoe fits Sybil...

CLICK...
hullo?!

No man is Prince Charming.. 

NO such a thing..

right? 

Call

I heard the phone ringing.. I ran in from the driveway..

Rinnnnnnnnnnnnnng...

Hullo?

Jeremy there?

Are you the guy who called last night?

Yes Ma'am.

I LAUGH.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Is he there?

So how was your day?

I thought I'd share with you, what I've done today since we're such good friends.

Lemme see..

I was up at 4am, it's the norm around these parts.

Had my coffee...

Is Jeremy There?

Then I started Mafia Waring... (Im addicted)

Booted up Blogger...

Ya'no read up on everyone's adventures.

They have such great lives. Kinda tickles my fanny a bit ya'no?

Then I blogged, facebooked,a bit.

had like a POT OF COFFEE.

Played with Bella, shes our baby... a dog if you will. doesn't know it.. but shes definitely a dog..

Is JEREMY THERE?

Bought some new perfume too via Internet,,,

 I wear a butt load of perfume. NOT the cheap stuff mind ya, that wears off rather quick. Good stuff, WAIIIIIIIIIIIT, hunny hubby just..

Ma'am is JEREMY there?

Bought me a bottle of CoCo Channel. I LOVE IT. You should really think of getting some for your..

Waaaaaaaaaaiiiit are you married.?

Hunny Hubby is DYING from laughing!

Have kids?

I have 3, none of which you're looking for.

What'cha DO TODAY?

Where you calling from?

I bet it's morning there in your country.

Ya'no it's almost 9PM here.

Ma'am Can I please speak to Jeremy?

I'm thinking of getting some high tech spy stuff and tracking you down..

Yes indeed I am..

Ya'no so I can call YOUR house at night.

Wake your kids up, maybe your wife.. ooh you never answered.. ARE YOU MAAAARR.....

CLICK

Lil bugger hasn't called back!