Viagra Boobies

I work in an office where it’s a chilly 65 degrees. I blame Thermo Woman.

She’s in denial of her hormonal change…

As I walk by the thermostat, I groan. The chills rack my body…

Goosebumps appear across my skin…

And something unpleasant happens..

VIAGRA BOOBIES!

Literally.

I mean, how can one be hard all day long?

Im beginning to think I have a problem. A HORRIFIC problem..

Medical attention needed to bring peace of mind to my run away brain.

I glance over at her in a Tank Top…

I shiver, muttering as I do…

Admit you need to pop a pill.

Im tempted to jump on her, pry her lips open and shove her hormone pill down her throat..

Ive thought LONG and HARD on it...

I mumble to my boss…  Mr. (M)

Feeeel my hands. Next you’re going to see penguins running across the floor.

HAPPY FEEEET will be dancing and Sybil will be …be … dead from hypothermia

Lil icicles hanging from my lil woman mustache!!!

All the while thermo woman pants, ..er, breathes like a dog..

I walk through the office with 2 sweaters and forearms up against chest…

Waiting for Mr. Elvis, daddy Penguin to bust out a song.. His son pulling an Elvis move a leg thon.

All the while my boobies are rocks.. and I feel Ive consumed 20 Boobie Viagras.

great...

The LOOGIE

I was driving to curves. 

a place to vent my daily dose of "D" my middle child.

As I drove down Foothill. I glanced over at a woman in a Lexus.

She ...she...

 Hocked a LOOGIE!

WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

REALLY?!

My gag reflex went into over drive. 

You could see by her expression she was PROUD of it.

Com'on ... REALLY?!

* Horrified expression on face*

I stared.. I couldn't help it.

I arched my eyebrow..and continued to stare.

A Lexus, Gucci sunglasses and shes hockin a looogie?

Least we forget the Tiffany heart bracelet she had on her wrist.

Grandma... Id never do that in public..

However, 

you see, I, er, well, hmmm, Clears throat..

 when the boys were little they did teach me how to hock one..

Charm school right out the window 

Thoughts.

Hope.

I have some.

Faith.

 small amounts of it.

Joy.

Within my heart at times.

Peace.

I haven’t quite found it….YET

Love.

 I hold out hope, they say it happens. I just wonder when it will be my turn.

I am...

Who is who and why I prefer to keep my identity secret.

I had a blog once, a ton of followers, lots of blogging buddies, and people who I could count on at the drop of a hat.

Rewind:

 Oct 29^th 2009. 11:37am

Life changed.

I never thought I’d be brought to my knees by an act of selfishness.

I was. End of story.

Fast forward.

Dec 28, 2009

I was informed I wasn’t allowed to blog. My life crumbled.

What could I say?

Coming from a family where my brother was like my dad (this too, is a long story)

He was, errrr, IS, a NO nonsense and that’s, that kinda guy.

Don’t argue, NO, you WONT have your way. Get over it.

I respect him, and I quit my outlet, my venting, my, I’ll spew about YOU later blog. heh heh

 In hind sight…

Maybe it was better not to write about the emotions I was experiencing.

*ahem

Reading back/looking back… I was a lunatic. A raw, emotional mess if you will.

For lack of a better word… I really should have been admitted in a nut house.

No shiot.

In the aftermath, I went private allowing a select few to read my blog, to read my outbursts, allowing them to experience my hate, anger, hurt, pain and finally sadness.

It’s difficult to share. Even with friends. Or Family. I have my “safe” place and can hide within those walls.

Doesn’t leave me open for criticism pffft. I LOVE those walls.

About me and who is who.

I have 3 sons.

J. is 23

D, is 20

C, is 8

Quite an age gap!

Hubby is Hunny. (who on occasion I call my 4^th son)  I dig him..love him..and probably can’t live without him. (23 yrs we’ve been together)

And finally

1 beautiful dog (Bella) a PIT BULL.

I’m not going to pretend my life is amazing, it’s NOT.

Here are my ramblings (My alter ego if you will) I call her Sybil.

She’s my evil side, say it and get it over with.

I’m NOT cruel, I’m real.
Im ahhhhh..well... 
 I can go from loving to freakin nut case in 1.5
PROMISE
(laughs behind hand)
Im kidding.

Welcome to Sybil’s world.

Father's Day

I’ve kinda slacked on my preparation for Fathers day.

*bites lip.

I usually have it in the bag by now.

2 Gifts

1 for my daddy. (don’t say a word. I’m 41 and STILL call my dad DADDY)

And

Last but NOT least… My hubby.

Our children are cheap. What pre-adult isn’t?! I mean they have money for  everything else but what they need it for..

BILLS..Gas money…presents. LOL

**hears voices in my head.. MAAAAAAAA?! Can I borrow 20.00?

Me: Borrow OR Have?!

Ask them to a night club and they throw down some serious cash!!

Brilliant I sayyy.

They’ve caught on to those life skills so easily..

MOM and DAD = suck’ahhhhhhhhhhhh…

I know I did. I would still, if able.

I have decided I’m giving my husband a treat at the local spa.  Facial, Pedicure, and finally Massage!

My belief is … show him how good it feels and I’ll be able to SCORE.

Did I say SCORE?!

I meant (clears throat)

I’d be able to frequent that facility more often. (Yeah, that’s what I meant)

How can I be denied?  It isn’t possible.

*pats self on the back. I am a woman and will bend his will to mine. HA!

The Elite

I read the article on the Elite Team 6 the other day

After finishing it.. I leaned back and said to Marc..

(a boss of mine at work)

He's gunna be mah next hubby.  

Thats sex'ah right there. 

Manly... passionate.. muscled... scared..

all man..

and I want it.

Marc leaned against my desk and said..

have you informed your husband?

Me: I was joking Ya'no....

Marc: I'd hope so!! your high maintenance 

Me: I am NOT

Marc: Those guys dont like women like that. and your NOT GI Jane..

Frilly... girl..

I wanted to stab my pen in his eye.

*snicker*

Forgive?!

mmm.. 

Ya'no I'm one to forgive..

I am..

REALLY!

But to forget and get over isn't exactly working..

That said...

(finger)

Silly

Isn’t it funny how ones imagination can run wild, mine has...err..

IS

My brain in overdrive. Thinking. Wondering. Wanting. Waiting. Needing .

SNAP OUTTA IT!!!

Bologna,

how many years has it been since I've eaten a bologna sandwich..

I can sing that song ya’no…

*hums*

My bologna has a first name…

I had one today.. I enjoyed the first bite. My taste buds remembered even after 35 years.

I mean how can they forget?

I took that initial bite.. and my brain froze.

Memories came flooding back…

I remembered my brother at the table when I had taken a bite of my bologna sandwich.

 I was 6.

Brother: you know what Bologna is made of?

Me: No…wha’? Ponytails & ..my 2 front teeth missing..

Brother: Chicken ass’s , chicken lips, pig balls and cow butts. All mixed together for a tasty slab of meat.

Me: chewing as he spoke…I stopped in *mid * chew. All I heard was PIG balls, and cow butts. It teetered on tongue and lip… I was taught to NEVER spit out your food at the table. He sat staring at me.

I could see his smirk on his face as I came to the realization I was either going to hurl, or I was gunna swallow. …

I remembered the plate with the flowers and my napkin on my lap.

He tried his hardest to contain his laugh as I turned 3 shades of green.

I took that bite today… and remembered why I don’t eat it…

I didn’t swallow. I held it there on my tongue ..breaking out in a sweat.

My gag reflexes kicked into overdrive…

Spit..

Or

Swallow.

So it happened.. I've, I've gone rogue. I said screw it and became a rebel. 

**takes sip of coffee and glares at screen**

.. Never say I can't...

To my brother.. I love you..

But Ive decided I need an outlet..

Something, someone, ANYONE ..

I can VENT too.. 

gimme a few days..

I have a few posts..

just haven't gotten the chicken nuggets to post them yet.

Funny my other blog had well over 600 followers if not more..

I used to worry about losing them..

since I quit blogging and went private Im down to 156..

Im not worried about followers.

Im worried I've lost my knack of being witty =X

It Begins

I don't know where to start.... OR ....where to leave off...

its a new beginning...

heh heh

New Hope

I don't know where to begin... I mean really...its been a long time since Ive written...

Have even considered putting thought to paper..or even blogger.

Not since the day he told me to not blog.

I have a million things going through my mind.. and none of them quite make any sense ha!

(thinks aloud) 

perhaps my typing and texting will improve?

*shrugs* at the thought.

Years have come and gone and my ability to share has ...

has...

Has what?!

Thinks hard..bites lip..

has..

become rare..

Ive become a recluse. I share little.

I'm sorry Brother (1)

Im gunna blog.

Its my fresh new start...

Screw this I cant share business..

Im talkin about meeee..

Not the dirty lil secrets..and your ability to forget them..

I CANT.

That said..

Happy Blogging to ME

(nods)