Im appalled …
I was gunna act like Caroline Manzo. Be a lady about the whole thing and say
Così è la vita (that’s life)
But I cannnnnt.. heh.
Ive become bitter over it.. bitter over a whole lotta crap.
Have you ever watched from afar the hurt parents can bestow on a child?
I have.
Have you ever fallen victim to it?
I have.
Have you ever realized no matter how hard you try its NOT going to get better?
I have.
Have you ever allowed your parents to convince you to do something you didn’t want to do in fear of “hurting” their feelings or having to deal with their disappointment?
I have.
Have you ever sat back and listened to one of them say (after being treated horribly by a sibling) I wont go if your sibling isn’t invited?
I have.
I LIVED it.
Yet….
My son was the FIRST born grandchild (boy). And was left out of a ……… “bonding” by the grandfather, uncle and cousins.
The grandfather “ALLOWED” it to happen.. never brining up the fact that THE FIRST BORN GRANDSON who carried HIS name was left out.
He allowed it.
If my child had asked him he’d have clearly made it known that his son and other grandchildren carry the name and would need to be invited.
I can hear my dad now.
Yeah that hurt…
More than you can ever fathom…
Since I was a little girl I have dealt with favoritism,
(grandmother and said brother),
(Mother and son),
(Father and son)
My sister for years resented it, Id beg her to let it go, move on, forgive.
(Why can’t I take my own advice?!)
Why CANT I LET IT GOOOOOO?! It NEVER bothered me previously. WHY NOW?!
But the minute my son, the first born grandson (who will pass on the family name) was so blatantly looked over because of one’s fear of his son “being mad at him” made me realize no matter how hard one tries, you can NEVER measure up.
Christmas 2010 My son was devastated by his uncle, aunt and cousins behavior. I told him to let it go. We were never really a part of that family anyways and what they said and did didn’t matter.
Be yourself. (This was 7 months before his mental break) He still took it hard and cried while talking to me.
I remember that night like yesterday.
LET IT GO J, …let it go..
*remembering his hurt over what was said, and his tears* breaks my heart… *shakes head*
We love one another, while they look at people for what they “have”
When I found out about the tattoo and my brothers callous remark to me that I was NO longer considered family by my “Maiden” name but only family by my married name.. I told him he was full of SHIT.
My father agreed with my brother.
Forget it. (said with a laugh)
With family like that who needs fooken enemies?
I’ve never favored my children.
I LOVE them all the same. (each one requires a different kind of love)
If I give one, I give them all.
NOT so in the house I grew up in.. and now later in life, its come between my kids and cousins.
(Even my brother a grown man and a father I had held on a pedestal)
Pssssssh. How ridiculous,
*heart lurches*
How disappointed I am in all of them.
A father/grandfather, who so unsympathetically “forgot” his first born grandchild.
Didn’t even think to ask.. because It was all about his son.
Hey… MY SON MATTTTERS
just NOT to you
A brother so consumed on being 1st he’d fook over his own blood.
And 2 cousins who’d stab that knife in, just to be first.
Y’all make me wanna HURL.
Through my heartache of my sons sickness I found other family members who stood by.
Held my hand through the pain I’m going through.
Is here to pick up the pieces, while the others choose to be ashamed. (that’s how I’ve taken it)
For the brother I used to adore, I harbor no hatred toward you…I no longer hurt from your hateful remarks and your unfeeling ways
I only pity you for the hatred you hold within your heart for members of a family who love/loved you.
I love you, I just choose NOT to be around you.
And for my dad,.
Disappointed look on face, shoulders hunched, hurt evident on face…
(you once said.. you set yourself up for disappointments Tamerina, you expect people to have your integrity, your beliefs, your morals & finally your values)
You’re right dad… I thought I had gotten those from you…
I set myself up for disappointment..NOT everyone has my morals or values. I’ve had to find those on my own..
I pray your son and family members find theirs.
And a 23 year old boy looked on, swallowed the lump in his throat, and pretended it didn’t matter…
(ooh it mattered) Why NOT ask him?!
Hes MY hero… That 23 year old man/boy. Who had NOBODY but me, his aunt, brother and his cousins while growing up…
HE’S MY HERO… To me, you ough’ah to PAY him to carry your name…