Letting go

The Hardest Part of Holding On Is Letting Go

To “let go” means not to worry about the future, but look forward to what might happen

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.

To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive

I know I haven't written in quite some time. I really haven't had the heart to put it all down on paper.. I still hurt.. Im still at a loss.. and I haven't a clue as to where to even begin.. 

Im gunna write about it soon.. just have to dry the tears.. 

Prayer

Its been a horrific 3 days. Perhaps my story should wait for the happily ever after?

Im not goin to pretend its gunna be...

All I have is my faith, family and friends.

In the mean time... Pray... Pray for my son.. We need it.

SongZ

You bleed just to know you're alive.

                                                                ~~ Goo Goo Dolls, Iris

The "Do"

Perhaps Im a snot…

My boss came to work

about 2 weeks ago with his hair colored lighter

than normal.

(Me being a

 X-hair stylist wanted to comment on it)

nevertheless I kept my

opinion to myself. It has difficult to say the

least.

The other day he was being mean

and I swore revenge. (com’on I’m a woman) 

we 

do these things!

I waited for the perfect

time to spring my opinion on his atrocious hair color.

Sybil: Mr. Pink Panther

(he looks like Inspector Clouseau) I called

him on it *His HAIR COLOR*.

Heh.

Mr. Clouseau you wont be

mad if I say sumsin will you?

You won’t be butthurt...?!

  holding  it against me since I’m your

subordinate will ya?

*portrays innocent face* 

Boss: No Sybil I wont.

Sybil: Okay.. so why

would you go light on your hair color and not

dark.. it really is

terrible.. from an X professional hair stylist point of view

DON’T DO IT!

Boss: It was OLD. I had

to use it up!!!

Sybil: Nooo, ya didn’t

hav’ta use it up!

Boss: Yes I did. And “No

worries I don’t have any more” of this

color..he started to walk

off…

Before he got too far…

I yelled THANK GAWD!

Wonders if hes going to

hold it against me.

*bites lip.

Paul Simon

My words trickle down from a wound that I have no intention to heal.

                                                         ~~ Paul Simon, "Blessed"

Reflection

Sometimes it’s difficult to put into words exactly how people make you feel.

People..ERR..MEN, disappoint me. Simple nuff fact.

Perhaps my expectations 

are, 

are. 

Are what, too high?

I distance myself when that’s the case. I read an article the other day about men and their inability to comprehend a woman’s emotional side.

Uh, ya think?

(no sarcasm here) I’m purely stating a fact.

Sybil knows.

Ive showed my emotional side to the 4 men of my household.  
**MUTTERS**

It gets you nowhere.

They merely look at you like a deer caught in the headlights..

at that precise moment I wanna gun the gas pedal

 *smirks*

Forget tears… that chit don’t work either.

When I feel the need to cry I do it alone. Men have no clue what to do.

Im not man bashing…

Heh

Wait..

Yes I am.

In one of my “Sybil” moments I called my sister.

I said..Have, have you noticed every man who has crossed your path has been a major disappointment?

She hesitated..

Ye, yes..

Haaaaaa! I knew it.

So Sybil was right. I wasn’t being  over emotional. I am being a woman.

Emo

Wisdom is scar tissue in disguise
~~Unknown

The Walk

I went walking Saturday. 

 I have this undesirable need to sweat my arse off during the hottest part of the day. 

I mean WHO does that?

My sister pushed me to go Saturday knowing full well my schedule.

Fine I went… Happily so.

Heh.

6 miles came and went..

I was dripping and happy!

Monday, my niece accompanied us on our walk she took charge. I’m

hesitant to rehash our conversation, as I walked up a 60 degree hill

in 106 degree weather.

Sweat pouring off us

We spoke of what women usually speak about..

MEN,

OUR SEX LIVES,

BEDROOM BLUES,

and

EVERYDAY girlie issues.

Remember your brother(s) and his friends conversations you’d over hear

when he was with friends?

That’s NOTHING compared to 3 women who have a lot on their minds.

We spoke about EVERYTHING…

Some things are better left UN-SAID…

I vented...about many a thing..

I mean… spoke of things that perhaps my 24 year old niece didn’t need to know.

SHE spilled the beans FIRST! My mouth hung open… I gasped for air..

I followed suit, much to my sisters dismay. HEH.

Ms. High and Mighty .. Psssh.. sister..  *I giggle as I think back*

I saw your secret smile. I called you on it.

How many years have we known each other? I mean come’on !!!

I know you sister.

I maybe the lil sister.. but I have you on several things..

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Contact

We make eye contact and glance away. Two strangers knowing full well what the other “is” 
We glance away.. 
only to scan each other once again.. 
Seeking what the other knows.. 
Yet unable to “see” their pain.

My heart flutters, reaching for yours.. 
I hear your thoughts, just by that one  glance,

The pain, hurt, sadness, and agony eating at your soul…

We scan again trying to avoid staring…

Our eyes meet,

We “see” the pain the other has hidden.. 
and in that fraction of a second we both open wide our emotons.. 
and know the other isn’t alone.

2 strangers…

Several million hurts… and the scars to prove it.